In Quest of “Missing You”

What is meant by “missing you”? How grave is the word “miss”? The introspection is doing the round since I have read one of my buddies’ custom message on GTalk which read "She was the prettiest one, save a sad song for her. Benazir we will miss you."

Yea, as you all know the charismatic leader has been assassinated yesterday in Rawalpindi. Sad enough, the poor lady appearing to be the meatiest part in this post is nothing but the catalyst to delve deep into the sea of “miss u”. Sorry Ms Bhutto, to “use” you even after you have left the mortal world. May your soul rest in peace. Amin!

me: lol

Godspeed: ??

me: benazir missed by an indian- be-nazir act indeed

Godspeed: beauty is not bound by boundaries and LOCs
all this after im pro musharraf

me: there r 1000s of beauties like benazir
she was intelligent. pretty. assassinated

Godspeed: but there aint 100s of Benazirs...

me: am shocked.
thats all

Godspeed: am not ...
she had the guts to live thru all the heats..
and not chicken away...
leaders are different...

me: but to be missed by a common Indian...balderdash

(meanwhile, mirza’s take on the issue of missing Miss Bhutto :

me: aaaargh
she is dead. assassinated. am shocked. buty what more? she was never from us
"She was the prettiest one, save a sad song for her. Benazir we will miss you."
this is wat one of my pals has written on his custom msg
……………………………………………………………………………

mirza: ask the pal to go and fall in the deepest darkest part of hell
benazir is waiting thr)


Godspeed: ye its human too.
the person u keep seeing on tv and read about in evry daily.suddenly u hear she is dead...
sounds a little more realistic than falling in love with some spanish actor ........

me: that makes u miss her

Godspeed: unheard in the wide world of english speakers

me: dint know the profundity of ur immature self


Godspeed: ye .......
sachin retires .....
wont we miss him
ganguly dropped

me: sachin will be missed by all the cricket lovers

Godspeed: dont we miss him

me: benazir will be missed by common pakis
but us?
dont be ridiculous

Godspeed: you are a very closed minded buffon
expand your horizon...babe

me: u missed another "o"

Godspeed: how can u question whether i miss her or not...

me: coz of this
"She was the prettiest one, save a sad song for her. Benazir we will miss you."
think rationally

Godspeed: ye

me: she was definitely not ur every nite fancy
but bernal is
most of the time

Godspeed: if we can listen to songs like Candle in the wind ...

me: i enjoyed his presence on screen

Godspeed: thts ur problem

me: dont dare compare him to that corrupt woman

Godspeed: i used to find her charismatic....
man ... u dont identify doesnt mean noone does..

me: even i find her charismatic, that doesnt mean we indians r goin to MISS her

Godspeed: To miss someone you cant have any conditions applied
wat corrupt...

me: yea wat corrupt

Godspeed: she is a courageous leader

me: even we r corrupt

Godspeed: ye evry one is

me: oh yea courage comes b4 corruption
be courageous to be corrupt

Godspeed: ye sure
ye
the first female leader of an islamic state..
take some balls

me: and y do u hav prob wid my falling in love wid the mexican actor?
yea bernal is mexican not spanish

Godspeed: i dont have problems with your third world dreams

me: oh 3 rd world
and pakistan is...in the 1st rung
wow

Godspeed: i never said wat is wat
just said third world

me: coz ?

Godspeed: pakistan is more in news than mexico
more powerful as a nation

me: mexico is third world state
yea coz of laden
how honorable

Godspeed: a little more GDP than mexico

me: plz dont bring economics here

Godspeed: third world is economics

me: u may now say swiss r culturally rich than indians!
i dont care

Godspeed: richer chocolates

me: mexico= frida, maya, colors, tequila, life
pakistan= veils, army rule, dark ages

Godspeed: it is ideally natural to identify with pakistanis than with mexicans on the other side of the world

me: how fascinating it is to hear that u second our eighbour

Godspeed: i have a lot of paki friends

me: so hav i

Godspeed: and i talk to them over ph..
wanna find out how much they are like us..

me: that doesn’t mean we will prefer the state to Mexico

Godspeed: i don wanna know bout Mexico...
simple i kno lots of pakis

me: then dont compare it wid that al Qaeda land

Godspeed: i kno the situation there
pakistan is not al Qaeda land

me: so u put pakistan ahead of mexico
how logical

Godspeed: then bengal is a naxal state

me: so?

Godspeed: any day
my neighbours

me: bengal isnt run by some general

Godspeed: if pakistan plays any other country i support them
ex general
get ur records rite

me: here u can ogle at women...poor paki men, all they can do is to be lost in the darkness of veils

Godspeed: thts misconception

me: oh ex.....i am so happy to know

Godspeed: pakistani majority is like us
its a few islamic radicals

me: that doesnt mean we will bring that country ahead of mexico

Godspeed: and benazir & nawaz sharif was trying power on the radical support

me: that doesnt permit u to insult my admiration for vernal

Godspeed: the radicals dont want musharraf
musharraf is himself very western and liberal

me: plz i know the contemporary history of paki

Godspeed: insult...... vernal
not interested with some culture i donno
these are as good as hebrew to me...

me: coz u r hardly interested in oder cultures

Godspeed: im not unrealistically obsessed like you are
im not
i sell to ppl of my land

me: wet dreaming benazir is so rational....i never knew

Godspeed: i don have time for anything
wet dreaming.....
it aint so .....even if

me: u do hav time to be a part of a brawl for winning a lost case

Godspeed: doesn’t matter win or lose
our neighbour
thtts period

me: who cares

Godspeed: neighbour ********************** global culture *******
be open to ideas and respect others likings

me: plz
dont try to sell me ur ridiculous custom msg

Godspeed: tui jerokom 1000 reasons dite parbi y benazir
i can also give 1000 reasons y carnal Bernal

me: charnal bernal
wow
i like it

Godspeed: so dont think u r rational ..........
everyone is ...

me: ufff...u r going a diff way
i watch bernal's pix
i mean movies
benazir wasnt a part of my life

Godspeed: i like benazir as a courageous leader

me: uff abar shei katha
u admire her, respect her. i understand

Godspeed: a female face in the radical islamic world

me: but how can u miss her when she played no part in ur life?

Godspeed: a leader who embraced death for her ppl
tho i feel musharraf is a better leader for pakistan
how can u say she hasnt
she taught me a lesson
nothing shud deter you from pursuing your goal
a small lesson but a lesson

me: and u will miss her

Godspeed: tht cud make my life different

me: i doubt if u really mean thw ord "miss"

Godspeed: miss
simple word
miss her in the newspapers
miss the issues
miss her on tv

me: mis(s)understand

Godspeed: miss about reading about her in the forthcoming elections

me: how praiseworthy

Godspeed: thts ur mistake with english
miss is a simple word

me: benazir is bestowing blessings n love on u from hell

Godspeed: fuck off .........

As soon as Godspeed uttered the four letter word, it was he who disappeared! Must be the supernatural power of Ms Bhutto…a modern, smart, intelligent lady with occidental outlook can hardly bear her ardent fan across the border using abusive language…that too to an innocent meek vulnerable soul.

After coming to learn about the heated episode:

mirza: u know in this heat, u missed out poor rawalpindi local(Mr. Shoaib Akhtar).
He def deserved a mention

me: hey i was thinking of him wen i heard of the venue
i will blog it
but mirza honestly tell me
if u dont fancy benazir, how can u miss her being an afghan cave dweller?

mirza: is that a trick question?

me: na
just reply that

mirza: you don’t miss someone no cause they are dictators or some hosh posh politician..just how close they were to you

me: exactly...
thats wat my point is
how can u miss her? u may feel sorry for her. but miss...thats a big word

mirza: anyways..probably all he needs is a quite thinking over and he will be through

me: and he is a senior copywriter!

mirza: well lets start with a resignation!

- The Shepherdess

For Swas, For us

Dansez gitane
Dansez bohemienne

Lalalala lalala
Fire on my wine
Knives in your eye
Foot flints the snow and flings
Showers at the starry sky
Throwing winter’s blossoms
Waltz of mist and light.
lalalala lala la la la

Hold my hand, dance into the sky
Lala la la
Your face peers from a hundred mirrors
Trapped in glass lakes, I still
Dream of you
Dansez!
Leap over the fire to the pole star
And the dragon’s mouth

Torches in their brackets, spilt wine
Rotting on rose stems, grapes
Tendril your hair

Dansez gitane, dansez bohemienne
Spend your youth or die
Timeless time flies
Snowflakes melt on my nose
Stamp your feet on the snow
They rise to star the winter sky with
Flaring breaths of lost passion
Lalalalala lalalala

Lalalal
Clap ur hand
Beat ur drums
Shadow princes rise and die
Once upon a dreamtime
Breaking your tenthousand sleep
Words of sigh swim across the sky

“love tonight, or die…

-- Scio semper Amo

On va chanter
On va danser où
La parfum de la pluie luit.

-The Shepherdess

FAREWELL

My bags are packed …
I took everything I could
But some things are left behind.
I couldn’t bear the load
Some memories are scattered here and there
Few words of love
Some abuses you hurled at me
Uncomfortable silences

I couldn’t take away my tears
They fell off my eyes
Like orphaned raindrops
And you didn’t wipe them dry
U were looking away….
So I have left them behind
Don’t worry they wont stain your floors.

I think I lost my smile somewhere too
Looked around everywhere
Rummaged through all our dusty rooms
I couldn’t remember where I had kept it away
I guess you had snatched it some time ago.
Maybe it’s still there with you.
I don’t think you will treasure it
So let it free sometime

Oh yes I also left my dreams behind
And some unfulfilled wishes too
But of course I couldn’t carry my expectations with me.
And my desires just refused to contain themselves inside my bag.
So I threw them all away
Out of the window of our room
I saw them falling like feathers
Slowly being swayed by the breeze
I guess they wanted to be rescued
To be saved and secured…
But I let them go
You never cared for them anyways
And what would they do when I’m gone?
I saw them lying broken on the streets
Weeping silently, they were crushed by footsteps
I saw it all
I felt like a murderer
But you had murdered them many times before.


Another thing was too heavy for my bag
Lots of unanswered questions
That kept darting across my mind.
Why didn’t you care enough?
How was I a sadist?? When I got all the hurt???
How was I the cheapest?? When all I asked was love??
Why did you break all those promises that I gave my all to keep???
So a bag full of questions I locked inside a cupboard.
They kept shouting for answers
Maybe someday you will find their answers
Now all your time is yours, so just spare some for them….

And finally there something else I just couldn’t take with me …
I placed some below your pillows...
I left some on my side of our bed...
I sprayed some like perfume all over our home.
Maybe you will hear them at night like a melancholy lullaby
Maybe you will listen to them when you miss my voice
Maybe you will feel them in your silences
Unsaid words I’m leaving behind
I know they’ll reach you when I’m gone
Unsaid words….
That I love u
That you will be missed
When you are tired of your noisy music
All I ask is just try listening to them…..
Unsaid words
Like a story never told…
Like a song never sung…

Well then, its time to go…
The bag is ready, waiting by the door…
I’m leaving…letting you go…
I’m walking really slowly…
Quietly, towards the door…
I know you won’t call my name …
I know you won’t hold me back…
I want to run back and hug you tight
For one last time ….


But you were already enjoying your music
So I slipped away unnoticed
Like a flimsy musical note….

by zaid al baset
© 2007 by Zaid