Mon café

It was winter, with rain clouds inside
Me, hovering over me,
I gave you a call

We met, we talked, and we saw each other
Over coffee…deep and dark, my coffee.
We sipped, we spoke, we smoked
Under the melting sun, in the darkening city,
I listened to your hopes, your desires
Shared your taste in movie and music.
The hours called us for another coffee
We talked, we laughed, remained silent
Sometimes with reason, sometimes without one
Over coffee…deep and dark, my coffee.
You listened to my French, my broken Spanish
Gave ears to my wings, my desires
Hours flew, seasons flew, making the way
For a song of the next December.

- The Shepherdess

The Music of Aulos

A storm in the fiery poppy field
Intoxicant-nymphs in chest’s left corner
And stimulating fancies
Like old Bacchus-days.
Gushes of blood running
In the veins…
The common phenomenon of
Not knowing and wanting to know –
If my shadow plays your body’s harp
Like the way you play with the child-woman.

- The Shepherdess

The night is one with the sea, the sea is one with me
Nothing exists except the flowering tree, you and me
Who do I desire but you?
Three walked, a fourth came, and I lost my sense in love for the fourth
Now all is me
What is this infinite happiness, what is this sea of immortality?

~scio amo

Close your eyes and see him
Why do you search for him here and there?
Why do you search for him in every face?
Why do you wander like a madman from forest to mountain?
Close your eyes and see him
Why do you search for him in every face? Why do you invite strangers to your bed?
He is the beauty of every face, though even the earth has not seen him
Love him who has no form
He is in your heart, the torches burn
The carriage runs, vanishing now and then
If the body burns, does the soul vanish?
I speak only in metaphors, his beauty is without form
Why do you seek him in man?

And if you cannot be satisfied with the one you love
The one you were betrothed to, then o unfortunate one, burn
The scriptures gave him to you, your heart chose him
If you cannot still be satisfied, then burn
I have seen the infinite and yet I long for the finite
Who can be more unfortunate than me?

What is this joy I feel? I sing of my joy
The sky is full, the kalbaishakhi comes,
I am in your heart, yet I delude myself you are not there
All is you, I have vanished
With your sword you have destroyed me, the sky sparkles with lightning
This sorrow is joy, this sea of absence that washes me away is joy
I have reached a state where I cannot be unhappy anymore
What ever you give me, gives me joy
I neither seek salvation, nor do I seek this world
You are all, what shall I seek?
How can I be wrong, when you keep me in your lap?

O you who wear the moon in your hair, o destroyer of passion
O terrible fear, o you from whom I seek escape
O lord of fear, o lord of nightmare, o lord of the infinitely cruel and infinitely returning
I seek nothing, o death, what shall death do to me when I have you
The greater fear chases away the less
O thirst, o lord of elements, you are the fear and loneliness at the heart of things
You give sorrow to the world, you smear it with ashes
You destroy love, you make all men orphans
You take them back into yourself again
What death shall I fear? What fear shall I fear? What lack of love shall I fear? What failing of duty shall I fear? What ill-repute shall I fear?
I strike my hands on your unyielding chest, you keep your doors closed
O fear that lies at the heart of things, o insecurity
In my fear I saw you, in my fear I asked you to rescue me
Now my fear has become my saviour, my fear showed you to me
I do not want this fear to leave me, fear is my dearest friend
In my fear I saw the sky, I saw the sun in the eclipse
One moment I am unconscious, the next I preach consciousness to the world
I sought you in form, now I see you in everything
Who is as fortunate as me?
I asked you to become finite for me, now the infinite washes me away
Who is as fortunate as me?
The night is one with the sea, the night is one with me
Nothing exists except the flowering tree, you and me
Who do I desire but you?
Three walked, a fourth came, and I lost my sense in lust for the fourth
Now all is me
What is this infinite happiness, what is this sea of immortality?
I am numb, yet my senses have multiplied
I feel as though the world has become a thousand worlds
And I am living a thousand lives
I am a corpse on whom a thousand sensations wash away
I have stopped living as a metaphor, I describe my own sensations
I can do no wrong, for God works through me

Your body is as lightning, your face is the moon
I shiver, yet my bones are full with satisfaction
Let others receive wealth and glory, you alone are enough for me
And this marrow-deep satisfaction, this ache of being well-spent
Night and dawn have met in my body and become one
Let others seek freedom, even death sings to me and singes me with pleasure
For you make love to me when I die even as you did during my lifeThe serpent that coils around your neck enters me
I become the starless night
I cannot share, so I chose as my betrothed him who has no part
Now he has made me partless
My bones ache, my marrow sings in ecstasy



~~the wolf

Tale of a threesome

There is a me. Let us call him X. X is a lover of pleasure of all sorts, but the more kinkier and dangerous, the better. He loves freedom more than anything, flirts with everyone, is reckless, narcissist, grey, vicious at times, and plays games without a twinge of morality, dark and cruel, loves being on top, is fun, witty, charming and definitely attractive, all sun and light, but totally amoral. He is a wine that goes well with both women and men. He is promiscuous and delights in infidelity, for promiscuity prevents him from becoming the slave of any one person, and because like a mad drunkard, he seeks to behold every form in which the beauty of the divine beloved is manifested. He knows the hearts of men, and knows how to give them pleasure, but he always withholds the supreme pleasure. He never loses.

There is a me. Let us call him Y. He loves games too much to leave them, but he is moral at heart, more or less, as far as possible, is responsible to those he loves, dreads hurting them, helps people. He is the sweetness that keeps things simmering and intense, he loves and is loved. Those he loves, whether they are related to him by blood or not, he calls family. Y can give his life for the ones he loves, but not the freedom of his body and mind, his inner sovereignty. In return, he can give all freedom to the ones he loves, and yet love them fully.

There is a me. Let us call him Z. No man or woman has access to him. He is dark and brooding, light and cheerful, he is always faithful and never in word or deed will he ever betray the one he loves. His heart is narrow, for with the maniac, possessive and majestic love he can give, he can have space for only one person in his core, his base, his everything, he can make the one person of his dreams fly. Infidelity, physical or mental, infidelity that lasts even for the winking of an eye, in a stolen and quickly buried-into-the-subconscious glance at a stranger, is the one thing he cannot tolerate, and since all men and women he has met are partially or fully unfaithful to him and to others, he has allowed till now, no one access to him. To love Z, to be loved by Z, you must forsake desire for everything and everyone except him, become a monk, and then he shall initiate you into a dangerous and cruel love, the grandest love the world can see. He will surrender completely and unreservedly to that one, and will receive complete and willing surrender. Z sees his love in everything, and his love shall see Z in everything, in every meaning and beauty and form, and all directionless metaphors shall lose their power and collapse into the spring dust. Their love shall last till death and beyond. He craves a love that is divine, whether the divine be manifested in form or not. He has tasted of ecstasy already, and will settle for nothing less. For the one he loves, Z can give not only his life, but his everything.

If and when Z were to meet the right one, X would cease to be promiscuous, for in the one Z loves, X, Y and Z shall see the world, see the all. Z shall have no problem in being faithful, for the world shall be metaphors for the one he loves.

every step you take with me, i shall take with you

love me more than anyone else in the world, i shall love you more than all creation

love me and let me be your everything, everything you love, everything you hate, everything you are mad about, love me only, i shall love you only, and every person i shall love, i shall love in you, through you, and for your sake only



~~~the Wolf