09:13:00:i narrow my eyes
09:13:01: i shut them
09:13:03: i open my eyes....rub them ..blink..life sucks..
.
09:15:45: life still sucks...its been drizzling outside...the sky looks vague and lost.. the clouds have no meaning..they are just hovering about the sky aimlessly just like my eyes hover around them.. the breeze is yawning ...stretching...its making the tired looking curtains fret..it reaches me... i can feel it on my face....i tell the breeze to go get a life...
09:16:52: i will sleep....i shut my eyes and try all sorts of postures in bed....a kamasutra between me and my pillows...head on pillow...head below pillow..head without pillow..pillow clutched by my arms tightly as if i am holding you..(i won't let you go)..pillow between the legs...pillows all around me....nothing works...i can't sleep...sleeping pills are like a politician's promise ..fake with no consequense....i give up....
09:20:12: i am standing at the window...nobody seems happier than the insects it seems...i see bees arranged on top of each other like neatly ironed clothes on a shelf...i wonder what orgy like ritual are they performing....on the other side of the road i look at the square building with square balconies with square towels hanging on undulating ropes and a 1940 engraved on the upper edge of its facade staring at me blankly...(if only it was you). the road is glistening grey....
wet earth is burping..footsteps squelch on dirty mud..puddles all over... garbage soup....an urchin is answering nature's call on the pavement....i wonder what would shiv sena have to say about public display of excretion...( you never held my hands in public.maybe you were ashamed of me..you were were'nt you?)
09:25:43:i am staring at the mirror ....i smile a smile that would make monalisa cry and run out of her painting..my canine teeth have become yellower than the permissible limit of beauty....i brush my teeth hard and fast and long..canine teeth still look yellow( how little i have looked at myself these days...all i did was look at you.. admire you)....i wash my face...
09:30:25: im inside the bathroom ...i look at myself in the mirror..i realize my robust physique has shrunk into a delicate figure if you know what i mean.....(i miss the soft flesh of your body)
10:45:33; im travellin in an auto balancing myself next to the driver.. the driver is exasperated because of the traffic...he begins a religious chant of invectives..."mother's cunt !!! the school releases its students at four different times during the day!!!!! mother"s cunt..it causes traffic.....mother's cunt ..reduces our income....when the auto is empty there are no takers.. bloody cock when it is full..evryone wants a ride...bloody whores!!!!!" i don't know how to react...i blush....as though they were sweet nothings and give a silent nod...(you have abused me worse...)
11:05:35: i have reached the university.... if anything looks more meloncholy than me then it is the universtity..i find comfort in its sorrow...(there was no sorrow in your eyes when u left me..they were mocking me)
11:14:40: i have reached a dark looking corrider where bright looking girls and some stupid looking boys are talking animatedly..they are discussing answers to questions being asked at the interview with those already interviewed...i give all answers...girls give me a look of admiration...someone tells me im super intellectual...i think balls!!!!(were'nt you in love with my mind?)
12:25:35: returning home....i wish i could sing...i want to sing the song 'aaj jaane ki zid na karo'
i hum the first line and realize that my own soul will leave the body if i continue.. so i stop....i wish i could sing my pain away....i wish i could dance in the rain....(you must be listening to rock songs..playing air guitar)
14:18:56:im restless.. i surf channels hysterically....i try listening to the radio..some bloke is confessing undying love to a girl...i sigh n shut it.....(i am not missing you)..
15:45:23:im lying in bed ....making grand plans about my future...ill study hard...ill do all the right things.... ill stay focussed.... all im focussing on is my cell phone really....switching it off ...then on ...off again... on again.... off on off on off on off on!!!!!!upturned in general mode....away from me in silent mode....i play a game on it....(u think ill wait for your call and keep looking at the cell..noway!!!)
16:35:28: i look at myself in the mirror and smile again...why have the canines become so bloody yellow....is it jaundice i wonder....i brush again.....i tell myself its looking off white.....suddenly i remember how taj mahal is becoming yellow too....air and water pollution....(maybe its your kisses...you yellow dirty big teeth monster how cute you were)
18:32:31: i have walked so much.....im looking good ..people are staring at me....lifes calling me out....i have a half smile on my face...i look at noone walking past me .....im just aware of their stares....a song is playing on my mind.....im moving on...im walking fast....i have no destination though....there are so many peolpe in this world..so many places to go...so many moments to experiance...i feel exhilarated..i feel hopeful ..i feel alive....(Ill forget u ....lifes too long)
20:55:11: spoke to a dear friend...love is taking a toll on her..she had unanswered questions....i knew all the answers ...played agony uncle to the hilt....how much i know about love, life and things beyond.....(i really didnt expect this from you...i didnt know you were such a hypocrite)
22:35:27: lying in bed...silently....staring at nothing....thoughts obfuscated by the noise of an angry downpour...(why?WHy?Why?)23:15:49: i survived today.....(i survived you)
00:00:00; tommorow is a new day...a new beginning....( without you)
by zaid al baset
© 2007 by Zaid
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